Recently the discusting thing that is cyberbulliying has come to my attention, I am not saying any names in this blog post and will refuse to name anyone who has been the inspiration for this post as in my opinion it will only give them the fuel to continue and I will get dozens of people trying to defend them
The people that I am talking about in this post will know exactly who they are and that is enough for me.
Before I get into anything else I just want everyone who had ever been made to feel worthless due to bullies be that online or face to face you are worth so much. You are valued and loved and don’t let any bullies tell you otherwise. I know from experience that bullies can make you feel as though you are worth nothing. I have been there. So again remember you are worth something. You are important and someone will only bully you due to jealousy or to make themselves feel like they are important.
In the next few paragraphs I will share with you some the experiences that I have had and that I have had with bullies and how they made me feel. Trigger warnings for talk about depression and anxiety.
My first experience with it was all through Primary School and most of secondary school. During this time I was pushed both down and up stairs at school, pushed into the road in front of cars walking home from school, had my hair pulled, homework ripped up, called names and worthless and so much more. The teachers were never bothered despite me begging for their help. Eventually we had to get the police involved and it was only then that the bullies stopped.
But the whole ordeal left me feeling like maybe I wasn’t worth anything. I was 15 and having been bullied from the age of 6 I realised that I didn’t know what to do without the bullies. In a way it felt like something was missing in my life because I felt miserable and useless despite not being told that I was worthless and being told that I should kill myself everyday. If all that was gone why did I feel like that.
I tried to take my own life, yes you heard that correctly, I took about 15 Ibrprophen before my mum caught me and took me to hospital, where obviously I was okay, but I was diagnosed with depression. Something that for years nobody except me and my mum knew. She was my rock and I was hers when we were together nothing could stop us and nothing bothered me anymore because I knew that she had my back and she helped me to fight my depression and over the next few years and by the time I was 19 I had it under control. Yes there were bad days but I fought through them.
Yet when I was 21 I lost my mum and my depression returned. I couldn’t figure out what to do with my life. I was back to feeling like I had nobody again, all I can say is I am so glad I had my sister to help me. She never gives up on me and when I am feeling at my worst and can’t get out of bed she lies next to me and just hugs me or just lets me sit and cry next to her. She is amazing.
But enough about that it’s time to move onto the cyberbullies that have targeted me and the people I care about over the last few years.
Someone who I thought was my friend bullied me off Facebook, it all started when everyone was posting about Lucifer being taken off air and I posted a simple post saying something like ‘So sick of seeing everyone talk about Lucifer, going on about it isn’t going to bring it back if it’s going to return it will’
The things that she said to me about that were just horrible she started spreading stuff about me and tries to stop my best friend from talking to me and actually in the end the bullying from her just made me not want to go on Facebook anymore so I deleted it. But not before she had managed to alienate me from everyone. I once again felt like crap.
This next paragraph contains racism, or at least someone being racist. Bullies name has been changed but my step sister’s is the same due to needing it for context
Last year Claire made my step sister cry after she mentioned that she didn’t notice something racist in a book that she read aged 11 that recently came out as racist. Claire’ response to her amongst other things was “She isn’t a woman of colour so she doesn’t get to decide who/what is racist” (When she assumed that just due to her name which is Rebecca she wasn’t of colour, the best way to describe my step sisters skin is like Megan Markle, so she is a woman of colour) something that my step sister said to her and her response to that was ‘Whatever, if you were a person of colour then your name would reflect that. I would suggest you stop trying to earn yourself respect by playing at being a woman of colour. Then a few weeks later she accused her of being ableist when she mentioned she didn’t have the ability to learn sign language due to her dyslexia, she aid he would love to learn but didn’t feel like she as able to do it and and would worry that she was saying something offensensive and then accused me of the same when I stuck up for her. But she was really rude about it. It may just have been the way we took things but she then lied about what we had said to her after she deleted our comments and spread around that we had been trying to boycott her and her readathon, she did this after blocking us, something I only found out days later as I have another Twitter account other than my main.)
Then only recently, a few weeks back now someone tried to call me out for being rude because I posted that I was allergic to something and therefore couldn’t have some flowers that had been sent to me. I said I had to throw them away or was thinking about giving them to a neighbor. They proceeded to say that I was being rude and ignorant for posting about it, I won’t share with you the messages that were sent over Twitter Dam’s bit they said some really horrible things and suggested that I delete my post or she will get me blocked from Twitter, plus other things.
Someone told me I was trying to cry for help, which is not the case. I just wanted to make people aware. If you feel as though you are being bullied then speak out. Get something done. It might seem hard but there will be someone out there who will help you get through it.
I for one will no longer stand for bullies. That is the reason I wrote this post. I no longer care what people think of me. It’s easy to bully someone but it takes a much stronger person to stand up and call out that person.
Bullying can cause people to feel the worst things about themselves. So before you say anything or do anything be that in person or from behind a screen just stop for ten seconds and think about how it would make you feel if someone said or did that to you. If it would make you feel anything other than happiness, love or just that you are worth something then maybe don’t say it.
Don’t be that person that tips someone over the edge and forces them to cause themselves pain. The odds are they are worth so much and you prevented them from reaching their true potential.
Book Club of the North 